Thursday, October 6, 2022

House

 I found Grief trying to unlock the front door.

As I led her to the couch and pushed Anger aside to make room
Grief asked me to let her go
"I've been here too long already, I must be moving on"
I told her not to worry, I had plenty of room, she should stay, there's no where else to go.

I heard a commotion in the kitchen and tripped over Anger laying on the living room floor to find Pride crawling out the kitchen window
I grabbed him by his feet and hauled him back inside
"But I've burned dinner because you didn't get all the ingredients I asked for! I must go!"
"Nonsense" I replied "you always make due, we'll eat it burnt and bland, it's fine"

I walked back to the living room and saw Rage kicking the prone body of Anger, trying to get a rise out of him. I lunged but before I could grab his tiny body he fled and hid behind the curtains. Crisis averted, Rage could bring the roof down on our heads if he wakes Anger and they both start growing.
At that moment I heard splashing in the bathroom and found Sorrow and and Self Pity crying in the overflowing bathtub, a river of tears pouring out into the hall and headed for the bedroom. "We always ruin everything, you're going to make us leave aren't you?"
I grabbed the towels and realized they weren't going to be enough, so I dumped the dirty clothes basket out in the hallway to stem the tide. 
"You guys are fine, it's okay to cry, there's really nothing wrong, you haven't ruined anything" I tried to reassure them. But they wailed in unison, and I shut the door quickly. 

The bedroom was dark but the door was cracked open and as my eyes adjusted to the light I saw Hatred and Disgust coupling on the bed, completely silent in a deadlocked stare.  Lust was fumbling with the latch of the window muttering "my work is done, I must be gone"

I couldn't decide what to do because Hatred and Disgust's relations were so mechanical and devoid of passion it was unnerving and I didn't want to get any closer but Lust had almost gotten the latch undone so I shouted
"Everyone stop what you're doing!"

They all turned to look at me, not a glimmer of light in any of their eyes, the two on the bed continued their rhythm without missing a beat.
"Lust, give these guys some privacy, come out to the living room"
As they slowly turned and walked toward me I saw Shame and Guilt under lust's cloak.
"You guys can't go, it's getting cold, you might get lost in the snow."

In the living room Anger was still asleep but Rage had snuck into the kitchen and was poking Pride from under the table. I ushered Lust and Shame and Guilt to the couch next to Grief who was asleep.
I saw lights outside and reasoned they couldn't be coming here, all my closest companions were accounted for, no one else should  be coming.

A gentle knocking at the door caused Fear and Anxiety to come rushing from the closet where they'd been gossiping about Hate and Disgust.
"Who's here? Why are they here, what do they want?" Asked Anxiety.
"Well they can't come in! There's no room, Don't even open the door, they're going to rob you!" Proclaimed Fear.
"The house is a disaster!" Shouted Shame from the kitchen.

I opened the door and was shocked to see Joy, Love, Grace, Hope, Peace and Serenity all standing in the snow.

"What on earth are you guys doing here?! It's freezing out!"
"I was wondering the same thing" piped in Confusion who had been smoking on the porch.

"We got your invitation, but this blizzard slowed us down. Anyway we're here now, and we've no where else to stay" replied Joy

"Well I've got quite the full house at the moment, honestly, no room at all and I really wasn't expecting more guests. Perhaps you could come back tomorrow afternoon, I can tidy up and be more prepared to receive you?"

"Certainly not. We have an invite and it was quite urgent. We can wait outside while you get sorted." Love was adamant.

"We could even help tidy, I'd like to meet your guests, I love making new friends" added Grace.

"Oh, I'm sure you do, but they're not exactly in a friendly sort of making-new-friends state"

The whole time this exchange was taking place, a cacophony was coming out of the kitchen. I half expected Anger or Pride to knock me over and terrorize these new arrivals, but I locked eyes with Serenity and realized she knew exactly how to handle those boys. I turned around just in time to see Pride pushing Grief aside as the whole gang fled out the back door. Grief wailed and flung herself on the back porch sobbing.

I turned back around just as Love gently took my hand, and I saw Confusion slinking into the bushes. The whole crew gathered around and lifted me up and carried me inside into the bedroom. There on the bed was a small thing, no bigger than a kitten, growling like a badger and hissing like a snake.
"What the fuck is that?" I asked

"That is Contempt. The unfortunate offspring of Hate and Disgust. I know how to take care of it" Love replied. She bundled up the small creature into the folds of her cloak and the growling and hissing slowly grew more muffled, then silent all together and contempt was gone. My new companions laid me on the bed and sat down all around me.

The cries of Grief still echoed in the hallway and peace got up and walked to the back porch and Grief's wails slowly faded. When Peace returned she held in her hand a black stone the size of a pea.

"Here is a gift" said peace
"A gift? How is Grief's corpse a gift? That's no gift Why wouldn't she disappear like contempt?"
"Because unlike Contempt, which is a product of the union of Hate and Disgust, Grief isn't as much of a product of anything but rather the pain body of real love lost. It's what remains of that love, and IS a gift because it reminds us of the love we had and encourages us to be present and cherish those who are still with us."

Peace handed the small object to Love, and Love set it on the night stand and covered it with her hands and whispered something that sounded like raindrops and windchimes and a soft breeze all at once and suddenly it transformed into a beautiful bouquet of flowers in an obsidian vase.

"How did you do that?"

"Love has the power to transform Grief because it comes from Love, but grief never goes away, and you wouldn't want it to, because then you'd forget the love you shared with those you've lost, greif reminds that the love was real" replied hope.





Thursday, September 16, 2021

Do you pray?

 Do you pray?

Not in a religious context but do you
Ask the universe for things
For virtues
For relief from suffering
And believe that some power
Some spirit
Some intelligence or consciousness
Greater than human understanding
Hears you?

I've prayed
And I believe those prayers
Were answered because
When I see you
I freeze
My soul scrambles
To find a sign
some indication
That your soul can hear mine

So I prayed
For a smile
That reached your eyes
For our hands to touch
Sending shivers up my spine
For some small connection
Like when you say
"I hope you have a nice day"
And it's genuine
Now when I pray
I'm afraid to ask for more
Because if my prayers aren't answered
it might feel awkward
When I go to the grocery store 

Sunday, September 12, 2021

The victim hood

You're such a wonderful victim
You've really perfected your martyrdom
Like a pick pocket
You proclaim yourself generous and kind
And with a slight of hand
Take everything you can reach
And as the last bit of value
Is lifted from the pocket
Accuse your mark
Of taking advantage of you
It's quite exquisite
This lie you've convinced yourself of
Crafted to shield you from
Your own truth
In order to control disappointment
You contrive it
You create your own inner chaos
And spew it onto anyone
Naive enough to believe
Your kindness isn't conditional
And your love isn't a paper house
As empty Inside
As you
While you set it ablaze
With those you lured
still inside
You shout to the neighborhood
"Look! I was so generous and kind
And they tried to burn me alive!"

Thursday, September 9, 2021

Self evident


Before me sits the evidence
So clear I can't deny
That every time you said
'I love you'
You told another lie

You never saw me truly
As the man I am
You loved the idea that
You could fix me
And mold me to be
Your man

As you cut me down to size
And broke me into bits
You always grew so angry
When the pieces would not fit

So I've gathered all the pieces
The ones you threw away
And put them back together
Into this man who's here to stay

His spirit won't be defeated
Nor broken by the lies
All the evidence that's needed
Sits inside his eyes

Sunday, August 29, 2021

knights

Knights in shining armor

Haven’t seen many battles
They seem to always
Show up after the battle has
Been won
And take credit
While the knights in 

Battered armor
Pieces missing
Wounds bleeding freely
Are rarely seen
As anyones savior
Rough around the edges
Missing a few meals too many
Somehow still finding
The strength to go on
When those with shiny armor
Would have rode away long before
Those swordsmen
With tangled hair
And missing teeth
Hard eyes

And calloused hands
Are the ones
Who tame dragons
Instead of slaying them

And win the battles

Time and time again

While the knights are 

Polishing their armor

The battered sleep in 

Their mismatched 

Suit 

Riddled with scars 

Weapons close at hand

While the knights in shining armor

Are always on the look out

For another damsel to rescue
While the battered and bloody warrior

Tends to his own wounds


Thursday, August 26, 2021

spire

  the definition of passion is a strong and barely controllable emotion

it is also defined as suffering, specifically the suffering of christ

there exists a natural aversion to suffering

but without passion

without barely controlled emotion

life would be lackluster

without passion

there's no inspiration

unite

 "How do we unite our passions and pleasures with our daily responsibilities to create a world embraced by love?"

We walk into the dark.
Take risks and get filthy.
We take the time to breathe
and let gratitude wash away
the grief and hurt
We blow on our spark
until it's a raging fire
and all that is hidden
is revealed
We confront our demons
We stare them down
because demons are 
cowards
They require a vessel
to control
and when you look
them in the eye
they almost always
slink back to the darkness
We love life as life loves us
and our flame grows
all the more bright
and illuminates our 
INVICTUS ANIMUS
our unconquerable souls
with love as our light
and our hearts as guides
we merge
what we are privileged 
to do
with who we are blessed
to become