Sunday, August 29, 2021

knights

Knights in shining armor

Haven’t seen many battles
They seem to always
Show up after the battle has
Been won
And take credit
While the knights in 

Battered armor
Pieces missing
Wounds bleeding freely
Are rarely seen
As anyones savior
Rough around the edges
Missing a few meals too many
Somehow still finding
The strength to go on
When those with shiny armor
Would have rode away long before
Those swordsmen
With tangled hair
And missing teeth
Hard eyes

And calloused hands
Are the ones
Who tame dragons
Instead of slaying them

And win the battles

Time and time again

While the knights are 

Polishing their armor

The battered sleep in 

Their mismatched 

Suit 

Riddled with scars 

Weapons close at hand

While the knights in shining armor

Are always on the look out

For another damsel to rescue
While the battered and bloody warrior

Tends to his own wounds


Thursday, August 26, 2021

spire

  the definition of passion is a strong and barely controllable emotion

it is also defined as suffering, specifically the suffering of christ

there exists a natural aversion to suffering

but without passion

without barely controlled emotion

life would be lackluster

without passion

there's no inspiration

unite

 "How do we unite our passions and pleasures with our daily responsibilities to create a world embraced by love?"

We walk into the dark.
Take risks and get filthy.
We take the time to breathe
and let gratitude wash away
the grief and hurt
We blow on our spark
until it's a raging fire
and all that is hidden
is revealed
We confront our demons
We stare them down
because demons are 
cowards
They require a vessel
to control
and when you look
them in the eye
they almost always
slink back to the darkness
We love life as life loves us
and our flame grows
all the more bright
and illuminates our 
INVICTUS ANIMUS
our unconquerable souls
with love as our light
and our hearts as guides
we merge
what we are privileged 
to do
with who we are blessed
to become

Inspiratrix

The glow of your essence

Unfolding the creases

Pressed in the fabric of my being

Gently bathing me in warm light

And inspiring every inhale

Granting tender permission

To let go

With every exhalation 

Wednesday, August 25, 2021

Unconditional

In the eyes of 

my children 

I find 

all the love 

I've been aching for

My whole life

Tuesday, August 24, 2021

anger _in progress

 I keep seeing these memes

that anger is a good emotion.
on to some extent I agree. Anger is a reaction to something. 
When some one hurts you, it's natural to feel angry.
When my father died, I was angry with him. And that felt pretty stupid. 
Dead men don't really give a damn if you're angry with them.
Anger can reveal when someone is manipulating you.
When some one is trying to use shame or guilt to control you
When you realize you've been deceived.
When you see a double standard applied in the expectations put on you.

I've seen another meme

"Explain your anger instead of expressing it and you will find solutions instead of arguments"

I feel like that might need some extra unpacking. 
It isn't entirely specific WHO you're explaining your anger to.
And it presumes that if you're explaining your anger to another person
that they will have the desire to understand and cooperate with you
to find solutions to the root cause of the anger.
It also presumes that you have enough self awareness and a sufficient vocabulary 
to articulate your anger, it presumes you have the emotional maturity to process
your emotions in a healthy manner, then enough self control to verbalize what
behaviors, words, gestures, triggers, expectations, or unmet needs got you 
to the place of becoming angry in the first place. 
And to presume that any of that can happen, while someone is enraged, seems a bit
counter intuitive. 


I've encountered the mentality 
that with anger there's only two options
expression or suppression
explanation is a third as expressed in the meme
transformation is a forth
Processing seems like a reasonable step
perhaps explaining your anger to yourself first
Is more productive than explaining it to another person right away. There's tremendous power in anger, it can be discerning, illuminating truth from fiction. It can be motivating, fueling action, it has an element of impulse that sparks motion whether creative or destructive. Like any strong emotion, anger has great potential, for harm as well as growth. 


Monday, August 16, 2021

Rollercoaster

Your words were flowing and full of love
So often I got lost in them
In your presence I found serenity and comfort 
And in our passion I felt close to the divine 

Your actions told a different story
Slowly eroding my trust and self worth 
The words and presence sometimes soothed the hurt
But in in your absence I found truth

The constant fear of losing you 
was cultivated with intention
The unclear definition of where we both stood
The rollercoaster though exciting
Was equally Terrifying 

I'm much happier being 
Off of that ride

Define

 What defines a person?

Their habits? Shortcomings? 

Their personality or identity. 

Is a person defined by their own perception of themselves? Or defined by how they're perceived by others?

Do you define a person by their appearance or body? Their taste in music? Their preference for certain things over others? 

Can you define a person by how they treat others? Isn't it a cruel irony that the nicest people are so harsh to themselves while the most malicious seem to never feel guilt or repercussions for the pain they cause others.

Do you define a person by their career? Their work?

Do you define them by their passion, their vibrance, their spark of life buring through the world igniting wildfires or carefully hidden and protected lest anyone throw water on the last shred of hope they possess

Do you define them by their character? The self beyond the persona? How often does this character reveal itself  and is it static or ever changing? 

Do you define a person by their ability? Their drive and desires, the skills they've acquired, the stories and movies and emotions they've inspired?

Do you define a person by their worth to society or their own self worth, their confidence and self esteem, or do you define them by how big they dream

Do you define them by their childhood? Whether traumatic or pleasant. Chaotic or structured, do you define them by the privilege they inherited or the obstacles they've overcome? 

Can you define a person by their empathy and compassion? Their virtue and grace? Or their apathy and malevolence, their depression or rage?

How do you define a human? With a lifetime to live, once you've given them a definition, they'll likely slip

Out of the noose of being defined. 

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

In rage we trust

 Anger corrodes

It will tarnish and rust your happiness
Your contentment and peace will fall apart
Piece by piece
It's tempting to hold on to it
For even as it burns and rots the skin from your hands
It makes you feel strong, justified and righteous
Where otherwise you would feel weak
Hurt, or grief
Fanning the flames of your rage
Mixing the toxins of grudges and resentments
Casting blame and fault
Pouring the acid of your anger
Onto it's deserving subject
Until it dissolves or begs mercy
Allows you to avoid those things you'd
Rather not feel
To ignore those things
You'd rather not see
To deny those things
You wish weren't real