A given

 Taken for granted 

The sun still rises

Raw splendor burning away

The mist and confusion of the night

Lunacy fades as the dawn breaks 

Perhaps it's why the earth quakes 

Like distant lovers it shakes as 

The sun's rays caress it's face

As the earth and moon dance 

The sun keeps them safe 

From the cold apathy

Of outer space

good enough

tell me about drunk enough to pass out
and i'll tell you about drunk enough to forget
i'll tell you out how good is better that perfect
and how perfect doesn't exist 

in our world of
good 

enough

You're going to forget most of what i say
but the feeling will linger
in that razor blade way that 

feelings
cut deep

you never remember the cut
only the scar, and the feelings it's left
on your chest while your memories of pain
are laid to rest

such is life

24

Sometimes we cross lines without realizing it until there is no going back.
When I slow down enough to reflect on what I am feeling, I see that there's a duality going on inside of me where I feel an emptiness so deep it feels like I'm drowning and a fullness so large it feels like I'm overflowing. I am exploding and imploding, totally in control of my out of control impulsive behaviors. I am the writer and main character of this movie.

I met a girl in New Orleans, she saw me feeding my dog on the sidewalk and was compelled to tell me how beautiful he is. There was no way for me to express how beautiful he is to me, and that compelled me to tears. She was from New Zealand. They don't have homeless people where she was from. She'd never met someone close to her own age living on the streets. Watching me cry made her uncomfortable. She wanted to stop me from crying.

I'm still not sure exactly why I was crying. 

Pouring smoke

I'm going to pour myself on you, then lick it up like cayenne mixed with honey. 
In less than six hours you'll have every bitter sweet memory, 
so spicy and heavy it's hard to tell who's stomach turned first. I will swallow everything about you to satiate my unquenchable thirst, 
before vomiting my self hatred into the most sacred spaces you never knew you had. 
Then I will roll up another cigarette and smoke it.
If you come back for more, then I will know that somewhere there is still hope. 
I'll know I'm a fool, for feeling so hopeless. 
The insides of the vacated spaces formerly inhabited by my intense self hatred will resonate with the vibration of that hope.
The me that is I will resist,
but eventually wither and die, 
and hopefully something new will rise from the ashes. 
Then it will be your turn to pour yourself on me like tar and molten marble, 
chisel me into a form that make's you feel comfortable and stable. 
Set the foundation with chaos and shameless nudity, fill every gap in my armor with serenity, then take the cigarette from my lips and smoke it.


 

Satisfied

Remember the moments when
This, Too, Shall Pass
sounded so much like breaking glass

I remember walking down the highway
with a smile on my face
the sweat dripping into my eyes
and that overwhelming sense of being
satisfied

I'd walked 20 miles already
I knew the next car that passed
would be my ride, and the feel of the
AC would be divine

Sleeping in the soft grass
the contours of the earth 
fit my body perfectly
As I drifted off to sleep I
Felt the earth wrap her arms
around me

Sitting under a bridge in Missouri
Or was it Oklahoma?
The storm pounding the ground like a hammer
I felt the air pressure pop my ears
at the same time all my fears disappeared.

That time my dog ran away during Mardi Gras
I walked around for hours calling his name
I laid down in some field, praying and the rain
soaked me through
I ended up on your porch just before sunrise
Broken hearted and red eyed
Knowing I'd done all I could
Crumpled on the cold hardwood
The smallest piece of me somehow felt
satisfied

sabotage

Being practical and realistic
Is all I can think about while staring into your eyes

Staying calm, maintaining my distance

While inside I crave your lips on mine

To think I just met you
And blind passion contains 

A heavier dose of hurt
Practicality tells me
"take it very slow, and stick to the truth"

Torn between infatuation, pure fantasy
Or burning this unbuilt bridge

I see clearly my capacity for
sabotage 

Itching for home

I have got an itch I can't scratch
I can hear Asheville, Nashville and Seattle
Calling me home
Nola wants to know how fast I can pack
I threw away every love letter I wrote Richmond
But Mobile forever has my heart and Berkeley wants me back

All these dreams of green Nor Cal hills
The dungeons of Savannah
Echos of Memphis giving me chills

Sitting in the house in which I was grown
This feels like the farthest
I've ever been from home
The road is all I want right now
'cause the road is all I've ever known

Bring me back Louisville
Send me to Ladenville
Give me back my night
Let me sleep in peace